Speaking to the Dead:
Although traditionally a seance is a good way to communicate with those who have crossed into the spirit world, it's also perfectly fine to talk to them at other times. You may find yourself walking into a room and suddenly reminded of someone you've lost, or catching a whiff of a familiar scent. For me personally, every February I find myself picking over birthday cards and thinking to myself how funny my grandfather would find this one or that one. I make a point of telling him about them, even though he died in 2002. You don't need a fancy or formal ritual to speak to the dead. They hear you.
How Do We Know They're Listening?:
In some spiritual paths, one may be viewed as crazy -- or at the very least, a little bit daffy -- if they speak to the dead. But think of the people you know who have lost a spouse, particularly one they were married to for a long time. Many of them will tell you they talk to their deceased loved one. We can ask them for assistance, for companionship, or just for them to hear our words. Chances are good that if you ask, your life will change significantly.
What Can We Say to Them?:
Ask anyone who's lost a loved one, and there's a good chance they have something they didn't get to say. Whether it's "I love you", "I forgive you," or just plain old, "I really miss you," there's nearly always something we wanted to say but never got around to. When you talk to the dead, share with them the things in your life that are important. Maybe you need to let Grandma know that you're finally going to have that baby girl she'd been hoping for. Or perhaps you need to tell Cousin Joe you're sorry you broke his iPod. Whatever it is, if it's on your mind say it. Only then will you be able to move on.
An Altar to the Ancestors:
In many cultures, ancestor worship is an ancient practice. Although traditionally found more in African and Asian societies, more and more Pagans of European heritage are beginning to embrace this idea. After all, we all want to know where we came from. You can build an altar to honor your ancestors, featuring photos, heirlooms, and even a family tree sheet. Leave it up all year long, or set it out at Samhain. This is a good time to perform a ritual for Honoring the Ancestors.
Why on Samhain?:
Why hold a Dumb Supper on Samhain? Well, it's traditionally known as the night when the veil between our world and the spirit world is at its most fragile. It's the night when we know for sure the dead will hear us speak, and maybe even speak back. It's a time of death and resurrection, of new beginnings and fond farewells.
Menus and Table Settings:
Your menu choices are up to you, but because it's Samhain, you may wish to make the traditional Soul Cakes, as well as serving dishes with apples, late fall vegetables, and game if available. Set the table with a black cloth, black plates and cutlery, black napkins. Use candles as your only source of light -- black if you can get them.
Realistically, not everyone has black dishware sitting around. In many traditions, it's perfectly acceptable to use a combination of black and white, although black should be the predominant color.
When you're hosting a Dumb Supper, clearly the point is that no one can speak --- and that makes a host's job very tricky. It means you have the responsibility of anticipating each guest's needs without them communicating verbally. Depending on the size of your table, you may want to make sure each end has its own salt, pepper, butter, etc. Also, watch your guests to see if anyone needs a drink refill, an extra fork to replace the one they just dropped, or more napkins.
Other Samhain Rituals:
If the idea of a Dumb Supper doesn't quite appeal to you -- or if you know darn well that your family can't be quiet for that long -- you may want to try some of these other Samhain rituals:
The Dumb Supper:
In some Pagan and Wiccan traditions, it has become popular to hold a Dumb Supper in honor of the dead. In this case, the word "dumb" refers to being silent. The origins of this tradition have been fairly well debated -- some claim it goes back to ancient cultures, others believe it's a relatively new idea. Regardless, it's one that's observed by many people around the world.
When holding a Dumb Supper, there are a few simple guidelines to follow. First of all, make your dining area sacred, either by casting a circle, smudging, or some other method. Turn off phones and televisions, eliminating outside distractions.
Secondly, remember that this is a solemn and silent occasion, not a carnival. It's a time of silence, as the name reminds us. You may wish to leave younger children out of this ceremony. Ask each adult guest to bring a note to the dinner. The note's contents will be kept private, and should contain what they wish to say to their deceased friends or relatives.
Set a place at the table for each guest, and reserve the head of the table for the place of the Spirits. Although it's nice to have a place setting for each individual you wish to honor, sometimes it's just not feasible. Instead, use a tealight candle at the Spirit setting to represent each of the deceased. Shroud the Spirit chair in black or white cloth.
No one may speak from the time they enter the dining room. As each guest enters the room, they should take a moment to stop at the Spirit chair and offer a silent prayer to the dead. Once everyone is seated, join hands and take a moment to silently bless the meal. The host or hostess, who should be seated directly across from the Spirit chair, serves the meal to guests in order of age, from the oldest to youngest. No one should eat until all guests -- including Spirit -- are served.
When everyone has finished eating, each guest should get out the note to the dead that they brought. Go to the head of the table where Spirit sits, and find the candle for your deceased loved one. Focus on the note, and then burn it in the candle's flame (you may wish to have a plate or small cauldron on hand to catch burning bits of paper) and then return to their seat. When everyone has had their turn, join hands once again and offer a silent prayer to the dead.
Everyone leaves the room in silence. Stop at the Spirit chair on your way out the door, and say goodbye one more time.