A reader writes in asking, "I read that people can't connect to a deity of the opposite gender as easily as they can connect to deity of the same gender. Does this mean that one gender can't be as spiritual as another? Or does it mean that the god and goddess are not equal?"
I'm not sure where you read this information, but my opinion is that it's patently false, for a couple of reasons. Actually, let's break your question down a bit, because it's multifaceted. Your first question is, "Can a person connect to a deity of the opposite gender as easily as they can one of the same gender?" Yes, absolutely. You'll meet many women who honor a male deity, and plenty of men who follow a female one. I don't think it's a question so much of "which is easier," but of "which deity reaches out to us."
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I'm not sure where you read this information, but my opinion is that it's patently false, for a couple of reasons. Actually, let's break your question down a bit, because it's multifaceted. Your first question is, "Can a person connect to a deity of the opposite gender as easily as they can one of the same gender?" Yes, absolutely. You'll meet many women who honor a male deity, and plenty of men who follow a female one. I don't think it's a question so much of "which is easier," but of "which deity reaches out to us."
Read the full article: Deities and Gender
Follow Pagan/Wiccan on Twitter or Join Me On Facebook.
I definitely agree that gender is irrelevant. My deepest connection has always been to a male deity. I will say, though, that I’ve gotten some odd looks from other Pagans when I’ve talked about that — as if I’m doing something wrong or anti-feminist by not putting a goddess first.
Adrienne, I agree. I think that sometimes we cross the barriers of pantheon as well as gender, too! Once we realize that those we seek out are representative of archetypes, it doesn’t seem so strange to resonate with personalities and perceptions. – Bast and Sekhmet rule my waking life, you could say – but there are times when I’m sleeping that the Horned God appears in my dreams to give me guidance, and share his wisdom.
I think it is a perception in our community that we have to be Goddess-centric or somehow we are not good Wiccans/Pagans.
I prefer balance over all, but there are certain deities with whom I work better individually.
In many ways it is like the way I feel about my kids. I love them all (I have four) equally, but each has a unique quality and different interests and so I do different things with each. For example, my youngest son and I have a HALO bond, but his 18 yr old sister is not interested in playing HALO with me, with her I do different things.
I see the Gods in the same way. I do not have a “female over male”, or vice versa, outlook. I think the duality in Nature is to be celebrated. I realize there are a fe groups that work only with HER, and a few that work only with HIM, but to me that is ultimately unbalanced. I think as long as balance is maintained in ritual, who you work with in your “off duty” time is up to you.
I think a good bit of it, at least in my experience, is that people who had really negative or abusive relationships with the parent of the opposite sex may find it more difficult (albeit not impossible) to form connections with deities of the opposite sex. I had a great relationship with a great dad, so the God and I get along fine, but my Beloved, who had a great dad but lots of negative experiences with male clergy growing up, found it harder to relate to Him than to the Goddess, at least at first. As with most things in life, gender should be irrelevant, but life experiences can color whether it is irrelevant in practice or not.
Deity are spirits. Spirits have no gender. Gender is nature’s way of continuing the population, so why would a spirit need gender? Can you imagine the chaos if spirits were going around having baby spirits? Get beyond seeing gender, and you’ll find spirituality much more sensible.
Maybe you research a little more. My patron deity is Brighid, the daughter of the Dagda. Most every deity I’ve ever heard of has lineage and/or progeny. Those spirits in the book religions are most often spoken of in the masculine gender, except for one instance in the Hebrew book, “Zechariah.”
Don’t you know about the Greek pantheon? The gods on Mount Olympus were having kids with everybody down in Greece, most notably Zeus. They also had babies with each other — Hercules, the god born of Zeus and Hera? Plenty of gods have children, and most gods do have genders.
Agreed, at least in part. As a Pantheist/Animist, I do not find assigning sex or gender to everything to be realistic or useful (note I am NOT using these terms interchangeably; sex is physiology and gender is a social construct). The vast majority of the Universe is non-sexed. In spite of this, humans decide to project gender (and sometimes sex) onto deity in large part because of our own sexual dimorphism: it’s easier for us to understand, conceptualize, relate to, etc. I will recognize the sex of whatever Spirit I am working with, but if it does not have a sex, I will not project a gender onto it. Most Plant Spirits, for example, I will rightly recognize as hermaphrodites, but something as abstract as the Four Elements is beyond sex (and consequently gender) entirely.
I agree, I don’t think deities have literal gender. I think we apply gender to them based on their attributes. As to the people who responded, “haven’t you read mythology?” IT’S MYTHOLOGY! You seriously think there is LITERALLY a man in the clouds throwing thunderbolts?
I personally connect to my god and godess becauswe I view them as being my spititual parents. I know how much I loved my father when he was alive and how much he loved me. I don’t think the love my god has for me would be any different. So, yes. I think it is possible to connect to diety of a different gender. Just my thoughts…..
Every person’s connection to divinity is unique and sacred. There’s no right or wrong. It’s about what YOU feel. If someone would rather only pray to only the Goddess or other goddesses, great for them, but don’t let them tell you it’s wrong or impossible to connect to a god.
I call Danu and Cerrnunnos “Mother and Father” because that’s what I think of them as. For most things, I pray to them together, but for other things, I pray to one exclusively, but still have the other present. It all depends on what I’m praying for. When I do this, the balance stays intact and the energy is much stronger. So strong, in fact, I often feel their presence. I don’t favor one over the other, because nature doesn’t favor one sex over the other. People do. Nature needs both male and female in order to exist and thrive. They are each different in their own way, but they are equal and should be respected equally.
And quite honestly, those who claim only the Goddess should be worshipped are no different than the Monotheistic religious followers who favor males as their deities.
I’m only female in THIS LIFE. In the life before this, I was male, and although I’m not sure on any other lives, I have a feeling I’ve been male more often than female. But my soul/spirit/whatever has existed and worshipped for hundreds, if not thousands, of years. So any god or goddess who has spoken to my spirit in lives past probably still has a connection to my spirit in this life.
So if I worshipped Pan in a past life, and He calls to me (as He does) in this life, why shouldn’t I worship Him? Athena called me in 4th grade; it took me a long time to shake off the xtian guilt and worship Her, but I do now, and She helps me in my work life as a paralegal. Both have their place in my life, both are honored by me, and both have given me blessings. They don’t care what sex I am in this life.
@Earthwalker: Re “something as abstract as the Four Elements is beyond sex (and consequently gender) entirely”, I would disagree with this. For example, the gender aspect of the four elements is very relevant in relation to the corresponding Minor Arcana Tarot suits. Wands/Fire and Swords/Air are considered active, masculine energies. Cups/Water and Pentacles/Earth are considered receptive, feminine energies. That doesn’t make them exclusive to males or females and they are relevant in our lives whether we are male or female. This theory has been very helpful to me in understanding the manifestation of spirit on earth in both masculine and feminine energy forms.
Personally, as a pantheist, I don’t strictly assign gender to deity. I worship nature, one might say, which is without gender, though I often conceptualise it as female simply because it makes it easier for me to feel connected.
As for concepts like Helen described above: “Wands/Fire and Swords/Air are considered active, masculine energies. Cups/Water and Pentacles/Earth are considered receptive, feminine energies.”, I feel extremely uncomfortable with that. I am making an effort to understand and respect the duality that is so common in Wiccan and other paths, but I can’t help but find it a bit offensive. Attributing masculinity to active energy and femininity to passive energy seems to me to be supporting a gender binary and traditional gender roles that I’m not at all comfortable with.
I definitely agree with you and the Tarot. The suit that comes up most consistently in my personal readings is Wands, and the second most common card is the Queen of Swords, who often comes up as a mentor or guide, but a couple of times she has turned up as me.
In this life, I am female, and I believe I have been female in most of my lives, and I find myself turning to Goddesses. But that is me. I admit that part of it may also be having left a very patriarchal religious upbringing, I still have difficulty connecting with Gods. However, I have noticed when studying different pantheons, that I feel some comfort/fit with those Gods who are tied to wild nature, so we’ll see what evolves.
I use the gods Zeus and Thor as well as Isis and Diana and Demeter.
You “use” them? How do they feel about being “used”?
This is an easy one: it doesn’t matter, just what you prefer.
Or feel comfortable with. I tend to ignore spells that require a certain deity, as I don’t feel comfortable with that. I tried it a couple of times, and while nothing bad happened, nothing good did either.