Social Networking and Being Outed
Saturday January 3, 2009
A reader writes in with a dilemma that many of you have probably experienced. Starr says, "I have a MySpace page, and on it I'm open about my beliefs. Some people in my town are Friends with someone on MY top Friends list, and now everyone in town knows I'm Wiccan. I'm getting emails and comments from people I've never even heard of that are telling me I'm going to hell and calling me a devil worshipper. I don't know what to do."
Well, first of all, accept the fact that you've outed yourself. You may not have meant to, but if you put information out there on the Internet, anyone can see it. Particularly with social networking sites, where people often click on their Friends' profiles and then click further to learn about people who might be interesting, it's very easy for a total stranger to learn about you and what you believe. Sadly, some of these people can be total idiots. While you can't un-do what's been done, there are a few steps you can take to make things easier.
For starters, set your profile to Private. That means no one can look at it without you approving them on your Friends list first. Secondly, set your profile so that you can only receive emails and comments from people you've Friended. That should eliminate 99% of the problem emails right there.
The other things you'll need to do is figure out how you'll respond if anyone confronts you about your belief in person. You don't indicate how big your town is, but if it's a small one where everyone knows everyone else, there's a good chance that when you go back to school or attend a social function, you'll run into someone who saw your profile. This means you'll need to decide whether you're going to let them upset you, or whether you're just going to ignore the people who call you devil worshipper. A good strategy might be to plan ahead of time what you're going to say in response -- this will make you feel calm and confident. More importantly, it means that you're not going to get caught off guard.
If you're thinking about coming out of the broom closet, you might want to read: Should You Come Out? and How to Come Out.
Anyone else ever get outed by a social networking site? Did you have any problems? How did you resolve them?
Well, first of all, accept the fact that you've outed yourself. You may not have meant to, but if you put information out there on the Internet, anyone can see it. Particularly with social networking sites, where people often click on their Friends' profiles and then click further to learn about people who might be interesting, it's very easy for a total stranger to learn about you and what you believe. Sadly, some of these people can be total idiots. While you can't un-do what's been done, there are a few steps you can take to make things easier.
For starters, set your profile to Private. That means no one can look at it without you approving them on your Friends list first. Secondly, set your profile so that you can only receive emails and comments from people you've Friended. That should eliminate 99% of the problem emails right there.
The other things you'll need to do is figure out how you'll respond if anyone confronts you about your belief in person. You don't indicate how big your town is, but if it's a small one where everyone knows everyone else, there's a good chance that when you go back to school or attend a social function, you'll run into someone who saw your profile. This means you'll need to decide whether you're going to let them upset you, or whether you're just going to ignore the people who call you devil worshipper. A good strategy might be to plan ahead of time what you're going to say in response -- this will make you feel calm and confident. More importantly, it means that you're not going to get caught off guard.
If you're thinking about coming out of the broom closet, you might want to read: Should You Come Out? and How to Come Out.
Anyone else ever get outed by a social networking site? Did you have any problems? How did you resolve them?
Comments
I was thoughtful enough to set my Myspace to private. My non-pagan social networking site is on Facebook.
I had a few close calls on Myspace, but most of the damage was mitigated once I set everything to private, eliminated my own photo from my profile page, and became extremely selective about who I let join my friends list.
I’m very conservative with what I put on a social networking site and the people I add the my friend list. I also customize what friends can even see, and if friends of friends can see things. I find most social networks pretty lame, but young people seem infatuated with it and are all too eager to tell the entire world everything about them self, including things they shouldn’t.
I’m the opposite - the new privacy controls on Facebook are much more configurable, and if you spend some time setting them up, they’re pretty decent at filtering out non-friends. I am relatively open on Facebook, whereas I am not so much on Myspace (and still set to private).
With friends, I am open but do not ‘advertise’ my path. My religion says Pagan but that’s about it. If a friend has a problem with my choice, then they are not much of a friend and if they can’t learn to deal with it (like I deal with their choice of religion), then the problem is theirs.
That’s not to say that there isn’t always a risk of a potential employer finding your information and using it against you!
People are so insane - they won’t call the cops or butt in if they KNOW someone is beating their kid, selling drugs, suicidal, homicidal, or anything like that, but goddess forbid they let someone “get away” with being pagan or JW, wearing eye liner, having a fulfilling sex life, or voting their concience. My Myspace does not have anything set to private and it says I am wiccan and I blog about wiccan/pagan stuff among other things. I would rather have it public ’cause I want people to know ahead of time if I am someone they want to be friends with and I wouldn’t want to work for an employer who cares that much about trivial BS that has nothing to do with work. I have had no trouble so far and if I ever do I’ll just blog about it! lol In fact, go check my page, I feel a blog coming on!
Frankly. I’d let the law do my talking and keep a baseball bat (or worse) in reserve. Make that a known fact and they will leave you be. These people are run by fear. Many of the systems they support train them that way. Simply use thier training on them.
Time for damage control. Put the facts of your beliefs on the page. Also make it clear that the law is on your side and you won’t tolerate harassment. and welcome sincere respectful questions. just don’t forget to answer them in like.
People need to realize that everything they type and post onto the internet is public viewing. I have both taken advantage of this, and have had it used against me. No one can expect the least amount of privacy. I have had my ex’s online girlfriend infiltrate an online support group and pass the information back to the ex before I even knew about her. Petty people will be petty. If you want to stay in the closet, never divulge any details that can connect your online life to your real life . . .
It makes me so angry at the narrow-minded fools when I read of cases of bigotry like this one. It would appear that some people out there are just so damn ignorant that I don’t see why the Western governments haven’t yet taken steps to end this state of events.
I personally live in Russia, and I have never, ever had any trouble on vkontakte.ru - the largest Russian social network, where my Pagan views are openly expressed. Not once have I received a thou-shalt-burn message or anything of this sort.
I guess, it’s not about the social network as it is, but rather about the country/city you live in…
When someone tries to lash out at you with that same mindless “you’re going straight to hell” crap do the following:
In the most sarcastic tone you can muster “WOW! Hell? I never heard that before! Oh thank you so very much. Sincerely.”
Totally works for me every single time.
Aye carumba…
To those who would tell me I’m going to hell…”Heaven don’t want me, and Hell’s afraid I’ll take over.”
I’m on Facebook and I went to a fundie Baptist school from 5-12 grades. I’m even in the alumni group for it. I also have the I Am Pagan application openly displayed on my Profile Page. Not a word from any one including current and former teachers there. Narrow minded widgets are the same everywhere.
I am who I am, I don’t know how to be anyone else, nor do I want to learn how. Both my FaceBook and MySpace have Pagan stuff on them.
The only problem that I’ve ever had, was when my now ex-boyfriend’s mother found the MySpace page. She was checking up on me, looking for ammunition to use against me. Until then, her husband had been content to stay out of our relationship. But by playing the “witch card”,
she got his attention. They called and offered to pay off all of his student loans and credit card debt (close to $50,000) if he would leave me. Charming people, huh?
He turned them down, but it still stuck with him. He had never stood up to his parents before. Had always been the “good child”. It took about a year, but he left.
At least I didn’t marry him…….