Pagan Weddings Seeing Increase in Popularity
Saturday May 3, 2008
It used to be if you were Pagan and you got married, you simply found a justice of the peace to perform a ceremony that lacked the typical Judeo-Christian overtones. My own wedding was one that included a few lines of a Shakespearean sonnet paired up with a Celtic blessing, and that was about the closest thing to "non-Christian" as some of us ever got. However, as the Pagan and Wiccan population increases in numbers, it's becoming more common to see people from earth-based religions celebrating their weddings in a fashion that fits their beliefs. There's a well-done article in the Modesto Bee, discussing the fact that Pagan and Wiccan weddings are on the rise. I think it's a nice reflection of our changing demographic, really -- as more people become openly Pagan, it's becoming more acceptable to include our beliefs in our ceremonies. In the Pagan community, it's more popular than ever to have a handfasting with a high priest or high priestess officiating, rather than just a J.P. with a non-denominational ritual.
I'm curious -- how many of you readers had a Pagan or Wiccan themed wedding or handfasting celebration? What kinds of things did you do in your ceremony? Did you have non-Pagans present at your event, and what did they think of the festivities?
I'm curious -- how many of you readers had a Pagan or Wiccan themed wedding or handfasting celebration? What kinds of things did you do in your ceremony? Did you have non-Pagans present at your event, and what did they think of the festivities?
Comments
That is great! Ceremonies since the beginning of time have been outside anyway. Our world has become so materialized. I watched a show on Discovery I think it was, about weddings, and bridesmaids apparently came from Queen Mary and her cousin (Queen Elizabeth, or something like that. Correct me if I’m wrong. I just know it was a long time ago. lol.) They were competing on who can get the most bridesmaids in their wedding. It set off as a tradition from there. Can you believe that?
My husband and I had a handfasting (pagan wedding) nearly 10 years ago… Before the trend was on the rise, I suppose. It was a combination faerie/eclectic ceremony, performed by a good friend of ours who was a HP (he’s sinced passed on to Valhalla).
We had such things as a traditional altar, tying of the cord, jumping the broom, and no wedding party. We had several non-pagan family attend, and they were actually quite surprised at how beautiful the ceremony was. They were expecting (because they were ignorant at the time) some strange black magic cult ceremony, and thought it was just terriffic how everything was done.
I think that if more people would experience a pagan wedding, they’d see how ultimately similar a pagan wedding and a wedding from other faiths are.
We had a very Pagan ceremony with lots of non-Pagan friends and family present. We kept all the references discreet, and since we had kilts and a piper, we just brushed off anything else as “an old Scots-Irish tradition”.
A few months ago, I had the honor of performing a wedding for a couple close friends- we kept everything VERY subtle. I started the ceremony with something to the effect of: ” Love is the steady ground beneath our feet, the calming breeze, the fire that warms our hearts and the water that quenches our thirst…” The half dozen other Pagans were the only ones who actually realized what we were doing, but several others commented on what a nice ceremony it was.
I actually wrote an article on this a few years ago: http://www.witchvox.com/va/dt_va.html?a=&c=words&id=8860
-M
Good article Reverend Mike. It seems, with the experience of being in several weddings (not my own) and a guest, it shouldn’t be stressful. My daughters wedding was the first one I’ve been to were it wasn’t. Hers was traditional but kept everything simple. Any advice on stress free weddings? I’m attending one here in a few months and I know the couple is going to fall apart. I can’t help but laugh and give them the ‘its okay’. You would think I would have words of wisdom by now. I know its impossible to not worry.
my husband and I were Married in 2005 in a friends back yard. We had a very traditional pagan wedding. Our friend who is also ordained was our High Priest and my daughter who has just marked her 13th birthday was our High priestess. we cast a circle, called quaters, deity, gave blessing, cerimonial great rite and we jumped the besom to mark our new life together the besom which now hangs on our wall. we entered through a large dream catcher with large banners marking the quarters, and a beautiful central altar. We had 52 people there most of them were pagans but about 15 of them were not, those who were non pagan loved it and even commented how energized they were after the ceremony. the ones who did not know of our belifes or did not understand them were told that it was a nature based cermony and what was exspected of them such as not crossing the circle boundry,standing in the circle, what to do during the blessing and it was very comfortable for all.We asked our guests to forgo gifts and instead to bring a dish for a potluck after the ceremony, and we were presented with a 1000 point Crystal cluster from friends it now sits in our temple
on a side note my Husaband is ordained both through the lutheran church and a metaphysical school, he has done several pagan weddings but he has also married Christians in a pagan fasion so even some of the Christian Sect are comming to the nature based ways.
My beau and I talk about our future wedding some day and we decided against having a pagan ritual for a few reasons. Although he’s a “lazy Christian” (his words) meaning he doesn’t attend church unless we’re visiting his mother and she goads him into it (and he falls asleep every time) and I’m a solitary pagan, and his family has many many staunch Christians and mine has several agnostics, we thought a Justice (or a pagan officiate who can do a simpler, less pagan-y handfasting for us) would be best to keep his senile grandmother from making a scene, or his Baptist preacher in training little brother won’t get all upidy at the reception.
LOL..Amber. Such a cookie world isn’t it?
My hubby & I had a self-uniting handfasting in a cemetary labyrinth in 2006. It was beautifully Pagan, including the elements and runes, as well as honoring the Lord & Lady. Our families were there, as well as a Best Man and Matron of Honor & their children.
We also did a platonic family-fasting between our family and another last year, vowing to take care of each other and each other’s children as if they were our own.
…as a matter of fact I am to be handfasted to my beloved next weekend.
We are having a pagan ceremony within our coven and there will be non-pagan family members and friends attending. We are very excited and it is a wonderful experience planning the entire ceremony and ritual. I will send a comment later as to how everthing turns out, which undoubtedly will be wonderful.
It’s so great to see open pagan weddings on the rise. I atteneded one several years ago that was the most beautiful ceremony i’ve ever been too. My best firend & her hubby & their adpoted son jumped the besom & tied the cord & other traditional “witchy” things. They were married by another friend, an HP who got ordained especialy for the wedding, ona wooden footbridge over a small creek … it was the nices wedding!
My fiance & I are planning the same type of ceremony, toning it down a bit (sigh) for my very Catholic step-dad & my dad’s side of the family (my aunt used to pray daily for me to meet a nice Catholic boy -so i can imagine what would happen if we went full-on pagan!!! - LOL) We also have a small wooden footbridge over a small creek & my friend who married in the graph above is making a besom for me from brush on her own property …
I’d appreciate any info anyone can give on the “toning it down” if they’ve been there done that …
I live in the UK, and have held several handfasting ceremonies ~ the next is due on May 31st. All occasions have been amongst a mixture of pagan and non pagan family and friends. Each time the guests seem to appreciate the fact the ceremony is very personal and intimate, with the couple being able to state their intentions to each other in their individaul way. Some have been held inside and some outside, the one in May is in front of 150 guests and will be followed by a Celidh.
I have officiated at several handfastings and they have been a joy to do. I have another happening this summer [maybe two]. I always make sure that the couple has some consultation/discussion with me first and that they have followed all the laws of their state etc. I have also had the privilege of doing Baby dedications. Greyspirit and Claymore
My husband and I were married in the backyard of his parents house by a friend of ours that is a notary, which is legal.
We had a few pagan friends there, including the one that married us, lol But his mother is so anti-marriage (for some reason) that we kept decided to do just a straight foreward ceremony. It wasn’t really the wedding I would have really liked, but it was what we could afford.
However on Imbolc we did a handfasting sort of ceremony with just the two of us, we wrote a fairly elaborate ritual and held it at a very special place for the both of us. It turned out very well, we cast the circle, called quarters, had our favorite incense, it felt more special then the original ceremony. The only bad part is that the rings we had purchased for the handfasting…no longer fit me. We’ve had them for over a year, so instead of wearing them on our fingers we have them on a chain that we each wear. Which is sort of cool, since his family doesn’t know we did the ceremony at all. It makes it seem, I don’t know, more romantic? Not that we’re ashamed of what we did, since a lot of our friends know…we just don’t feel like it’s any of their business. They are not pleased with our choice of beliefs anyway, it just makes things easier.
We were just married May 3, 2008. As it was the third time for both of us, we were able do away with a lot of the traditional expectations of the modern wedding. We also had the advantage of having our ceremony during a medieval recreationist event, so our families already expected something different from the norm.
Using Raven Kaldera and Tannin Schwartzstein’s book “Inviting Hera’s Blessing - Handfasting and Wedding Rituals” as an inspiration, we were able to craft a ceremony that reflected our personal beliefs and honored those of the families from which we come. Our pagan friends “got it” and our families were none the wiser. This may seem sneaky, but we felt that our wedding was not the place for a bold “coming out of the closet” statement.
Everyone agreed it was a lovely and meaningful ceremony that reflected our love and commitment.
My fiance and I are planning our handfasting for May 16, 2009. We have a friend, that is also our high priestess, performing the ritual and I am having several of my “spiritual sisters” as attendants. I don’t believe we are having any other men besides my fiance in it. I have to keep it “pagan lite” because of other strict christian family members and friends that don’t know we are Wiccan. I have bought a few books, including the Raven Kaldera one and we are looking forward to making it a very spiritual and loving event.
BB
Moondancekat
I performed a Bealtiane and Handfasting ceremony on the eve of April 29 for a friend of mine. She being from Ireland wanted a traditional Celtic Pagan ceremony. It was wonderful, as none of the guests were familuar with the Pagan ceremony, and was very educational for them. They were afraid that we were going to do some kind of ‘double double toil and troule’ kind of thing lol. It was a beautiful ceremony, himself making a lovely wedding broom for them, and they together braided the cord.
My husband (non-pagan, raised Catholic but does not practice that religion) and I were married by a town mayor 26 years ago. We wrote much of the ceremony ourselves,keeping it low key–no Wiccan symbolism etc. as his family (super Catholic)wouldn’t have approved at all. Our next challenge was ‘baptising’ our children, something he felt obligated to have done. Again, it was done at a non-denominational, metaphysical church, we wrote the ceremony, and his family was none the wiser. Everyone commented on how beautiful both ceremonies were. They fulfilled our needs as well as appeased his families sensibilities.
Wildlifemom
We have a Goddess Fest every year at one of the major parks where everyone is welcome. A few years ago I attended one of the most beautiful weddings that concluded the Goddess Fest that year. The two who were getting married were both High Priest and Priestess.
The closing of the circle and the calling of the quarters was wonderful and set the atmosphere for the entire wedding ritual. They had three people officiating representing the different pagan groups in our area. The Lord and Lady were absolutely beautiful. They had the tying of the chord and the jumping of the broom.
Since this was a park and open to everyone, so was the wedding. Those who did not want to be inside the circle remained outside of the circle. The people who were not pagan remarked at how beautiful the wedding was.
Rhosan
My husband and I got married a little over a year ago in a very Pagan wedding. We had a hand fast with Celtic offerings to each other instead of promises and lit a blessed candle. The offerings were very real and rich with meaning instead of all rosy and lackluster like the “christian vows”. I was also very much against promsing to “obey”. I refuse. I believe you should not have to obey any man or woman for that matter. We are a cohesive partnership and lives and loves together. I cherish the ceremony and would not to this day change a thing.
When sophie and I decided to wed, we just knew that what we did would have to encompass our mixed spiritual beliefs and practices. I am an ordained Wiccan Priest and very active in my church. She was raised in the Baptist faith and has such a beautiful earth-spirit that we found a common root in nature and the belief that Mother Earth is our provider. She embraced my beliefs from the moment we met and wanted, as much as I did, to incorporate her beliefs into our handfasting.
We devoted months to writing our own service. We started with a general handfasting rite that my church uses, one that I have conducted myself in the months after hurricane katrina. What we ended up with was the most eloquent presentation of ourselves to our chosen deity that anyone in our families and friends had ever experienced. Through the writing of our rite we ensured that we included elements of our diverse backgrounds. Wedded to the Wiccan blessings were passages from the New Testament. Invitations and invocations were presented and announced by both pagans and non-pagans. Our Christian families found, through this celebration, that there truly is just one Great Spirit that flows in and around us all.
Our rite included the components of casting a circle and calling the quarters. As devoted lovers sophie and I closed the circle using her broom as a symbol of her devotion to me and my sword as a symbol of my devotion to her. The winds of change blew hard from the east and the clouds in the sky opened after the rite to reveal the beauty that has been the earmark of our union. We included a full altar with all of the traditional Wiccan elements. Our simple feast was juice that we purchased and cakes that sophie had made with her hands, pouring her love and energy into them. We made our own incense and also fashioned our own handfasting cords from assorted materials. Our handfasting itself was a six-cord ceremony. Once bound together we were presented to each of the quarters and charged with learning to live, work, love and grow strong together, as one, instead of as two individuals.
To complete our rite and provide what our society accepts as symbolic of wedded couples, we exchanged rings. Our vows were written by each of us and secret up to that moment. And yes, we both cried.
We walked this earth for many years to find each other this time. We believe we have been together before, many times. For it is in our spirits that we are joined, linked, familiar. We celebrated that day in February 2008 with our creator(s) and our families and friends. We continue that celebration every day.
My fiance and I are planning on doing a handfasting this October. It should be interesting because a lot of my family doesn’t know that we are Pagans. Pretty much everyone on both our sides of the family knows that we aren’t having our ceremony in a church. I’m not sure how we plan to actually do the ceremony yet, but I think we plan to incorporate something that our ancestors would have done — mainly German with some other European groups thrown in there. Most of them would have been Celts or Asatru at one time we’ve learned. I think it’s just awesome how so many people are discovering that their spirituality is one form of Paganism or another and that they are not afraid to show it.
That is really great that people are feeling more comfortable with what they believe. My husband and I got married in 2000 by a JP and then had the big wedding in 2001 (for everyone else) I was able to create a ceremony that we were comfortable with and found a non-denominational pastor to perform it. We had the wedding outside by a stream and not many people realized what we were doing. Only two people (I think) noticed that God was not mentioned in the ceremony and that there were non-christian overtones. But everyone said that it was a nice ceremony and it was obvious that something was definately present that day.